Grief and the Gift
Recently, a fellow acupuncturist, Rebecca, passed away after a long dance with cancer. My wife, Amy, was in the room with her when she took her last breath. What a powerful and ineffable moment. The weight of her passing presses on my heart in unexpected waves. My world is changed.
We all experience grief, whether it's the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the passing of a beloved pet, the loss of a house or even a special object.
I work with patients every single day in the treatment room who are going through grief. And though much of it is a mystery, there are 3 things I absolutely know...
One is that grief can show up differently for everyone. It has no timeline and no agenda — no predictable course. Because this is true, I understand there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
The second is that to heal grief, we must engage a process of authentic allowing. We must let the emotion move — laugh, cry, scream, throw things (not at people) or be still. The more we can allow the feelings that arise within grief, the more we receive the gift of that loss. I know it can be hard to think of the silver lining when grief hits hard, but truly there is medicine here. When we allow grief we become the embodiment and expression of the essence, wisdom, teachings of that person we have lost.
The third and final knowing I have is that grief asks us all — the community — to hold those who are grieving, even though it's uncomfortable. To give them space to move through it – to cry, to scream, to pull their hair out, to rip their clothes, to feel the heartbreak, to look bad. To, ultimately, help them allow the process.
So, thank you, my beloved community for holding space for me as I mourn Rebecca. And please know that I and all of the practitioners and staff at Village Wellness are committed to holding space for you, in whatever ways life shows up. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Lots of love,
Lance
P.S. If you would like to read some of the last writings of my friend Rebecca you can find them here.